Few lines from my dream.

২৯ শে আগস্ট, ২০১৬ দুপুর ১:৩১

Ever since I began to understand things, 'things' I referred to as normal worldy stuffs (nothing deep in general), I grew up plunging myself into bollywood movies. Ummbbb not quality movies for sure but good enough to make a deep impression in my heart to become atleast 'someone' involved with film industry. Along with that, I always wanted to be a lawyer like my grandpa because he had a great influence over me.
As I aged, my dreams for persueing a career in those very fields soared too. Never did I share my dreams with anyone because belonging to a brown society and wanting to be someone from film industry was not right and it'll be totally regarded as an act of absurdity. Furthermore, my aim for becoming a lawyer faded as soon as I met that person to whom I lost my heart. I in a way couldn't go for law because of him. Though I kept my mouth shut but inside, I never stopped dreaming further.
During 00's I was like somewhat 9ish, I found myself immensly in love with music. I can still recall that I used to have a Sylheti uncle living in London and that he gifted me the first guitar of my life. It was quite a stylish one. Came in with a micro phone too. Good enough to form a band with. All I was needing a drum now. Soon managed to bought a drum kit as well and yeah I was complete. So a 9 year old had all the basic gears to start a band excluding the skills to play those instruments and her band mates. I teamed up with one of my cousins along with my twinnie and our very own very lame SSO Music Club was formed. Guess what we had two part timers too. Honestly speaking, we could do nothing with the gears. Back then youtube wasn't our thing so we sang and played with zero sense of knowledge in music. But one thing I will definitely have to say, I was able to sing very well despite the fact I was all noob. I was just too shy even to sing to my mother! Stage fright has always been a great problem for me even today.
Years multiplied. My cousin flew abroad, had disagreements with my twinnie on literally everything, Abbu put a hault on hangouts with people for me hitting puberty and lastly our physic out grew our instruments, didn't fit in those anyone. I was now miles away from music.
Year 2007 and I grew up to be bold teenager, still nnurturing the same dreams, bought another guitar, again with no idea of how to play it. I tried my butt out but no avail as I underwent no lesson yet. Spent a whole year with that guitar doing nothing exception 'toong tung'.
2008 and managed Ammu for granting me to get guitar lessons. Abbu was a great barricade here and he disapproved. Soon he gave consent when Ammu appointed a guitar teacher at home. He's a distant maternal relative and now a renowned star of Bangladesh. My professional guitar learning journey began.
My progress was an okay. My mentor on the otherhand was struggling hard to build his own name. Soon he was tired and pretty much done teaching me. By that time I knew 'something' about guitar, wasn't a complete noob anymore. Didn't really bother me of him leaving me all on a sudden but yes I was hurt by his act.
I was smart enough to pick up any new skill. I grew a wonderful habit of writing which started off with poems, shorts stories, songs. I started making my own songs. Me and my guitar were much needed in any sort of hangouts. Was so in love with my Signature Topaz.
2012 and I formed a band again, this time with all professional folks. We called it 'Empty Womb', yes you heard that right, it was all in all a metal band. I don't wanna speak much about my band and stuff because, got some really saddening memories associated with it. Let's keep that a mystry for now. I had to go through a huge of chunk of hurdles for music. Life was not at all stable back then. Still didn't gave up.
But on one night I was lashed with a profound reality. Yes I am a muslim and very much aware of the happenings inside graves and afterlife, so am I capable enough to strike straight to Heaven? Questions began storming my head. Guess no, was way to busy in worldly illusions. At that very point of my life, I quit music. Surroundings were left stunned. Some were really happy, some were sad.
I was never into namaz pardah my whole life. Parents did say but never ever set any pressure. Didn't took me much time picking up the habit of saying prayers and covering myself up cause it all came straight from the heart. Initially my parents thought I was possessed by some islamic extremist youths but later proved them all wrong. So my journey trying to be muslima began.
The most exciting thing now is, I am still carrying the dream to become 'someone' from the film industry. I am coming up with some brilliant ideas and currently waiting to earn. About my career in law, I'm going to fulfill that too in some point of my life. Under no circumstances I'm giving up. Yes life may get real hectic, I may not find time but I will always and always look for ways to do something to conquer my aims. What I believe is that a lady in hijab from a brown family can produce a movie, can do music and also can be a lawyer all at tge same time. If there's no one to believe me then I am going to set an example and make them all believe. That's pretty much of me.

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